How I See It Sometimes: Busy, busy, busy! We all do too busy too well. D...

How I See It Sometimes: Busy, busy, busy!  We all do too busy too well.  D...: Busy, busy, busy!  We all do  too busy  too well.  Did you know staying super busy can be an addiction, a way of hiding from dealing with so...

Busy, busy, busy!  We all do too busy too well.  Did you know staying super busy can be an addiction, a way of hiding from dealing with something else which often keeps you from reaching higher levels of emotional maturity/intelligence and peace within relationships you maintain with significant others--even friends?  I've been interested in the work of Gabor Mate, a Canadian physician and leading expert in addiction.  Most of us associate addiction with drugs or alcohol--and more recently pornography.  

However, just about anything providing a rush of positive feeling, relief and reward can lead to addiction: shopping (typically women I'd bet), work (typically men I'd bet), exercise, facebook, sex, you name it. As Dr. Mate suggests, most addictions are centered around childhood trauma which causes deep worthiness issues.  More often than not, these issues come from abuse/neglect or even witnessing abuse.  In a study conducted on mice, Mate references, mice were more traumatized by witnessing other mice abused than when they  received the abuse themselves.  

Humans are social creatures--perhaps, I hope, more so than mice.  We're connected.  We suffer when others we love unjustifiably do as well.  If we don't, well then we're socio-paths--and they do exist!  As little children, don't you think we suffer when we witness verbal, emotional or physical abuse between our parents?  Do you think it affects us more than the parent who receives the abuse?  I do.  Do you think, as Dr. Mate suggests, that learning to escape abusive environments early in life, creates behavioral neuro-pathways that automatically go into "tune out" run away mode when overly stressed over time?   Do you think this may be why by the time a child is 8 or 10 we have teachers/doctors prescribing ADHD along with the meds?  I do.  Or at least I see how abuse (especially witnessing it) can contribute to the high number of children with ADHD in a country with soaring divorce rates. 

So maybe, I'm thinking, an addiction is really just something we use or do to check out for awhile, a way to escape dealing with deep-seated issues--often related to early childhood/family trauma--in order to have a temporary state of pleasure/relief and satisfaction.  The problem is after the reward your addiction temporarily gives you, you find yourself in the same hamster wheel of your emotional life, not really satisfied long term. 
 
Then before you know it, you're engaging in the habitual behavior of your addiction--AGAIN!  And let's face it:  We're all addicts to some degree.  My main addiction for sure is escape.  I'm a recovering runner.  I'll admit that.  I just get the hell out of Dodge when whatever it is triggers me.  I'm learning to stick it out, but it's not easy because I've been escaping my whole life.  I've learned my running is about trust/betrayal/loyalty issues around people I've loved deeply who've absolutely trashed my heart by the things they do and say. This likely triggers from the abuse my mother received from my father I witnessed as a child.

My dad was good to me, but a complete asshole to my mother enough for it to damage our family. It was mainly verbal abuse but betrayal as well.  Dad just couldn't keep his penis in his pants.  I saw it going down my entire childhood.  So when I'm triggered by betrayal or fake energy that breaches my trust by either men or women, the easiest thing to do is run, find something "better" instead of sticking it out and working through solutions.  

However, when dealing with a narcissist it's always a good idea to run.  Good news is narcissists aren't as common as good people who make big mistakes sometimes and maybe deserve time to work things out.  At any rate, I'm a work in progress in my addiction department.  So are you!  We all are.  And that's how I see it sometimes.

How I See It Sometimes: On empty nesting: Getting it right requires getti...

How I See It Sometimes: On empty nesting: Getting it right requires getti...: The father of my two sons and I high fived each other the other day.  Big time.  We didn't do failure to launch.  No way.  And we knew i...

On empty nesting: Getting it right requires getting out of the helicopter

The father of my two sons and I high fived each other the other day.  Big time.  We didn't do failure to launch.  No way.  And we knew it.  Our sons are 18 and 20 and out of the house!  It's something to be proud of in today's world.  It's not common among households.  It should be, but it's not.  Why is that?

I've been pondering this subject and decided to write a little bit about it in the hopes of helping parents with young children.  Parents of older ones, well, you may already be screwed.  Sorry.  This is because if you practiced the current societal trend of helicopter and coddle parenting tactics, your children by age 18 will not be ready to launch; to stand on their own two feet supporting themselves emotionally and beginning to financially as well.  Helicopter children rarely make their way out of your home and out from under your wing by their 20's because you haven't allowed them to fly--to be their own pilot.  This is especially so if you obsessively piloted that helicopter from day one.  To send a child of a helicopter parent out on their own at 18 would be like sending a young lion out into the wilderness without teeth.  I don't advise it.

I don't know where it came from, this over-whelming anxiety around raising children that turns into helicopter parenting.  What I do know is when I was a new high school teacher in the 90's, there was a shift in how parents parent; a shift away from how my parents and their generation did it.  I remember calling parents to discuss the inappropriate behavior of a few choice students in my classes.  Every parent, except one, didn't allow their child to take responsibility or ownership of their bad behavior.  They shifted the blame, moved into denial and were very reluctant to help their children evolve into young adult "grown ups" who behave properly in class.  This I noted was an extreme shift in parenting styles from my own parents and had seemingly happened over night.  I know if my parents had received a phone call from a teacher about my bad behavior, I'd have been grounded for life.  Not the case anymore, so much.

I share this experience to point out a foundational problem with helicopter parenting.  Helicopter parents shield their children from emotional intelligence growth, societal responsibility and natural adult evolution by learning from their mistakes.  Helicopter parents are the types that do everything for their kids; but, worst of all they tend to not allow their children to fall and face the consequences of failure in order to gain wisdom from that fall.  This over-protection of children leads to a very warped sense of reality for kids--especially in situations outside of the home, where the helicopter parent isn't present.  So coddling a kid leaves them very much at a loss as to how to cope, behave and function in the adult world.

Look the proof is in the pudding.  My dad's generation were fully functioning adults by 18.  My generation, I'll guess, by 21.  The millennials, well some of them seem to never grow up at least emotionally.  (I said some.)  The millennial trend of living at home well into their 20s--even late 20's--is growing.  The excuse is the high cost of living and difficulty to land a job.  My take on that is it's bullshit.  Anyone with gumption and emotional intelligence can make it through rough patches to make their way in this world by being resourceful.  But a child that had few opportunities for emotional growth will not have the gumption and drive it takes.  Of course everyone needs a leg up sometimes!  But when 3 months back at home turns into 3 years?  Houston, we have a problem.

I'm not saying kick your kids out.  I'm saying ensure that they're ready to be on their own by 18--or at least by 21.  Do this by backing off when they are young.  Get the hell out of their way and out of the helicopter.  Let your kids pilot a little and increase it with age.  Let your children always face the natural consequences of their actions.  If they're going to fail, let them.  Yes, be there to provide reasonable help after their fall and encourage them in their time of trouble.  But don't hold their hand so much that they never fall.  Hold their hand after, but just a little bit--enough to help them not quit.  Let them grow from experience!  Let them be.

Failure is the greatest teacher of all time.  You can be the greatest parent of all time if you allow your children to fail in order to rise up from failure.  Remember that.  When you don't allow your child to fail; to explore and fail; to face the consequences of their actions (especially their bad behavior) you cheat them from a happy satisfying life as an adult.  An adult who is capable of living on their own and making their way emotionally--even financially by their early 20's.

Any child, without special needs, is capable of learning to be a functioning adult by age 18 as long as parents stay out of their way, allowing them the opportunity to fall and learn how to pick themselves up, problem solve, become more independent and change their behavior if need be.  Any child.  And that's how I see it sometimes--definitely today.

How I See It Sometimes: Why Art in Education? Lots of reasons

How I See It Sometimes: Why Art in Education? Lots of reasons: 13 Reasons:  Why Art in Education? 1.  Art expresses human creative skill 2.  Art inspires contemplation 3.  Art is representationa...

Why Art in Education? Lots of reasons

13 Reasons:  Why Art in Education?

1.  Art expresses human creative skill

2.  Art inspires contemplation

3.  Art is representational of historical time periods

4.  Art is often social commentary

5.  Art is the physical application of imagination

6.  Art can reach the "unreachable"

7.  Art is storytelling

8.  Art has meaning even when it's not intended

9.  Art pushes boundaries

10. Art is always communication

11. Art connects us to each other

12. Art summons emotional power

13. Art frees logic up to questioning

Let’s face it.  Art mirrors life.  If we are in the business of educating children, then we must be in the business of teaching a little something about life and art.  Otherwise, we have lost our way. May I ask, “When did it all become reading, writing and math? When did education’s goal become high test scores and where your school ranks in the API index?”  Honestly, over the last few decades when art slowly but surely became less a priority in public education’s curriculum, that’s when.  

In general, school just isn’t that fun, engaging and interesting anymore.  I recently asked a group of scholarly girls if they liked school. Only one in five said yes.  The others said no flatly, decidedly. These were girls who received mostly A grades. I know because I asked.  I’d also seen them studying at the business center where I live a lot. So I knew they were serious about school and their grades.  How sad they weren’t enjoying school except for the “social scene” as one girl put it and as another put it, “School is so boring! I’m on my phone all day.” I then asked them if they thought art, music and dance would make school more fun and interesting.  The answer was a resounding YES from all five. One said, “that would be really cool.” Why aren’t we giving kids what they want in terms of art at school?

When I was a kid, I had art in all its forms on a daily basis in public school.  I also received a better education than my own children have and probably more so than those scholarly girls are having.  Shouldn’t something be done about this? Creating more successful educational experiences for students at public school, in terms of fostering in students a motivation to enjoy learning, could be set into motion by bringing back ART:  music, dance, singing, creative writing, painting, drawing, sculpting, dramatic performance, poetry, architecture, film, etc. Art turns on the brain in ways standard test score driven curriculum will never be able to do. Art gets the creative juices of the brain flowing. In turn, a creative active brain is capable of learning and retaining more than one less inspired or activated.

There is plenty of hard evidence supporting the positive influence art has on brain development.  In an article written by David A. Sousa for the American Association of School Administrators, entitled “How the Arts Develop the Young Brain,” Sousa writes:

Neuroscience research is revealing the impressive impact of arts instruction on the student’s cognitive, social and emotional development. Every culture on this planet has art forms.  Why is that? Neuroscientists continue to find clues as to how the mental and physical activities required for the arts are so fundamental to brain function...Certain brain areas respond only to music while others are devoted to initiating and coordinating movement from intense running to delicat sway of the arms.  Drama provokes specialized networks that focus on spoken language and stimulate emotions. Visual arts excite the internal visual processing system to recall reality or create fantasy with the same ease. 

This said it seems almost ludicrous that public education has virtually ignored the arts or at best retains some of them as “extra-curricular” activities or something some teachers use at their discretion within the classroom teaching environment.

An important thing to remember is a child’s brain develops until age 25 when the last but not least of the brain develops:  The frontal cortex--our reason, logic and rational command center. Until then, and especially in our teens, the amygdala is running the show.  Which explains why many teenagers are so emotional at times and why number 12, art summons emotional power, is crucial when thinking about brain development as it relates to curriculum.  

It has long been my opinion that emotional intelligence (EI) is as important, if not more so, than academic intelligence.  After all EI determines what types of relationships with those around us we’ll maintain: Healthy or not so. Sure high academic intelligence will get you into Harvard, but will it sustain you in life?  Probably not. At least not in a life worth living enhanced by great lasting relationships and, well, ART! Yes art enhances life, our relationships and our well-being because it evokes a healthy exploration of feelings, ideas and thoughts.  Art inspires discussions around questions like, “What do you think the artist was thinking about when she painted this scene?” Or “What do you think the artist was feeling when he wrote this overture?” Discussions around art, open up wonderful opportunities to engage children in relative meaningful learning around EI as they make connections between their own feelings and what the artist may have been feeling too, which leads us to number 2:  Art inspires contemplation.  

To become a strong critical thinker, time for contemplation is necessary.  The trick is finding an interesting subject to contemplate in the first place.  Otherwise, the task becomes rote and easily forgotten. Engagement is key. Art engages because it’s interesting.  There is always something within all the different forms of art that will pique a child’s interest. Once they’re there, then the task of contemplation is natural.  You won’t have to ask the child to go there. The child will contemplate the material on their own. All a teacher needs to do at this point is guide and open the child up to their own interpretations of the art or even let them experiment with the art form itself if possible.  Which brings us to number 6: Art reaches the unreachable. Because art is interesting it’s a fantastic vehicle in which to engage the unreachable child. As a result, art therapy is used to help children describe traumatic events. Perhaps a lot of the power in art to reach children is because it allows them to project their ideas, feelings and thoughts onto a medium that is not themselves.  Art is safe that way.

It has always baffled me that many, if not most, teachers when teaching literature or history or government or science or any subject for that matter don’t employ art!  How can this be? Art is natural curriculum material for all subjects taught. Art represents history (3), offers social commentary (4) and pushes boundaries (9) regarding philosophy, social conditions and political agendas; it’s a format of storytelling (7) and a type of communication (10) of thought, feelings, ideas and life.  Art is subjective and when used in the classroom it can be a powerful tool to personalize learning.  Art always has meaning for the recipient, even when the artist intended no such thing (8) and art enables logic (13) to free itself a little, to have fun, ask questions about logic itself and play with the other side of the brain relatively ignored in public schools--the artistic creative right side.  

As it happens, art is a powerful method of connecting (11) us to each other.  What teacher who truly wants to inspire students to learn thinks they can do this in a vacuum?  No, we cannot teach effectively without connecting to our students and art is an easy avenue to make relational connections not only to subject matter but to each other.  Art is proof of our own enduring human spirit and genius. All artistic endeavors by their very nature express human creative skill (1) and are the physical applications of human imagination (5) which engenders pertinent fertile ground for thinking, learning and applying what we learn in classrooms as well as in life.

Yes, “every culture on this planet has art forms” because art is an integral part of the human experience.  Are we teachers who simply teach to the test? Or are we guides leading our students to creativity, imagination and insight to unleash their grand potentials? We all know why the arts in education are needed.  We ought not turn a blind eye to the lack of the arts in education and ask ourselves: Why art in education? Then employ it in our lesson plans. To do otherwise would be to deny children the education they deserve and want.

Why Art in Education? Because, because, because! And that's how I see it sometimes.

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