I had a bit of a bender the other night with a dear old friend of mine.  We sat for hours by the fire at the Estancia Hotel in La Jolla, philosophizing, eating, laughing, drinking.  Let's just say "we closed the joint."  Every girl needs a girlfriend willing to drop everything on a Monday to spend time with you when you need it.  I've been here for a couple of days, a gift from a new friend who generously believes in "paying it forward"; who kindly reached out without pretense, without judgment--a woman who sees without saying, an elegant soul at the ready.  

The Estancia itself has a certain subtle elegance.  If it was alive, I'd say it's like old money, solid, secure, demure, not outspoken, just embodied quiet dignity in a way new money has trouble with.  In other words, it's not flashy and loud; it's just calm.  Currently, I'm looking out over the balcony.  I see verdant grounds, a humming bird, palms and magnolias sprinkle my view.  It's a visual feast of tranquility, a place of rest.  My room overlooks a tiled Spanish fountain.  As I found by leaving the slider open, the gurgling of the water fountain lures sleep gently--or maybe that was the wine!  Hard to say at the moment.

Earlier this morning, a mother was reprimanding her son from the balcony across the way, loudly.  Voices carry, especially angry ones.  Oh, I get it.  I have sons too.  Still a verbal beating is never OK and it's embarrassing when done in public--for the recipient and the innocent victims that have to put up with the racket ...at a luxury hotel?  Yes.  Need I say more?  Well actually I will.  This mom used the F-bomb more times than I could count.  So it was really embarrassing as well as distasteful.  

I describe this scene for 2 reasons:  One, as a call to be aware of your surroundings and how your behavior might "land" on others; and two, I believe simple common sense is lacking today and I'd like to bring it back into existence.  Unfortunately, I'm just a writer, not God.  First, I must point out I'm no saint myself, having put my foot in my mouth more times than I'd like to be "aware" of. I've also yelled at my kids, ask them.  But I did do it in my own home.  Does that make it better?  No.  It just involves less people.  At any rate, it seems obvious to me that things go down today more frequently than they did when I was growing up.  I'm talking about things like this stressed out mom yelling at her kid in public at the Estancia for the good part of an hour.  

So the awareness piece and the common sense needed which was missing this morning for this mother was:  I should probably take this inside...

Is this too much to ask?  To be cognizant of those around us?  To try to speak to one another with dignity and respect--even when we're angry?  Even to our kids?  Is this possible?  Yes.  I think it takes a certain amount of level-headed awareness and common sense though--as well as the desire to be emotionally mature as much as possible.  No adult temper tantrums allowed!  At least that's how I see it sometimes.  I truly think this mom might be mortified if she knew this piece was written because she made an ugly scene in a public place.  The sad thing is I'm not sure if this is in fact true.  Maybe she wouldn't even care.  It's my hope that most of us do care.  At the end of the day, we all can remember (I'm talking to myself too!) that cooler heads prevail.



(This was written a couple of weeks ago.  And yes, at some point I'll write a positive unicorn with flowers, hearts and rainbows piece.  I promise!  I'm actually not all bitching and complaining all the time.  In fact, I joke around a lot about human foibles and inconsistencies with friends in a lighthearted way. Ask Tiffany!  Anyway, I see foibles in human nature everywhere and think we can all do better in our lives.  It's my take too many of us are very stressed out and this shows up in bad behavior.  It may be good to note stress isn't happiness; and happiness is not something that happens to you.  Happiness is a type of discipline you can acquire which requires awareness of others needs and common sense about the consequences of your actions.  It also requires a solid view of the big picture, knowing when to cut your losses and no loss of hope!)